Archive for January 27, 2012

The 30 Day Random Acts of Kindness challenge

January 27, 2012 Jo Ellis 6 comments

Research shows that the happiest people are the ones who are doing something to make the world a better place. It doesn’t matter if it is something big or something small, just as long as it’s something. (From How to be Happier)

I woke up yesterday early to take hubby to work rather than have him ride his bike in the rain.

On the drive back, I began to feel cross and angry and couldn’t put my finger on why.

OK, a couple of things were niggling me, I’d had a few sleepless nights and I had had a few days away from the computer and was beginning to feel overwhelmed by the in-tray – but nothing to really feel worried about and especially not angry! I was basically just feeling sorry for myself!

Sometimes, because I help other people feel better about their lives and be more in control of their feelings, I can get frustrated when I don’t use my tools on myself – it’s ok to talk the talk but you have to walk the walk too.

So, I had a choice to make. Continue to feel sorry for myself or look at my situation from a different perspective. Ok I had got up two hours earlier than I needed to (hubby is a postie and goes to work early!) but I could use those two hours to reduce the in-tray and to get prepared for the day ahead.

As the ‘to-do’ list grew smaller, I began to feel lighter, saw how the niggles were just not important in the bigger scheme of things. When I have negative emotions, I need to think less about myself and more about others.

All of a sudden my creative brain kicked in…

and so we have the…

The 30 Day Random Acts of Kindness Challenge (The RAK Challenge)

I will often talk about the chaos theory or butterfly effect with my clients. My basic understanding is that if a butterfly flaps its wings on one side of the planet it could set in motion a chain of events that could cause a typhoon on the other side of the world.

Pay It ForwardThis was covered really well in the bitter sweet film ‘Pay It Forward‘ with Helen Hunt, Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel Osment. which tells the story of a young boy who comes up with an idea as to how to make the world a better place for a school project. While his friends talk of litter collection, his idea is much further reaching. He has to get three people to do three RAK’s for three people on the proviso that they pay it forward and each get three people to do something kind for another three people. If you do the maths, before long we have a world where everyone is showing more kindness to others.

The idea is that you don’t do it to get something in return.

If you do something kind for the next person that you meet, they are much more likely to be kind or do something kind for the next person they meet and so on and so on.

So who is up for it? And how does it work?

The aim is to complete the following list of RAK’s over the next 30 days. Some of the ideas are easier than others, some of them may push the comfort zone. Some of them take a little time. Some of them cost a little money but the benefit and feel good factor should far outweigh the cost.

During the 30 day challenge, let’s celebrate our successes with photos, updates, stories on the Facebook page. Let’s tell each other about RAK’s we have seen in the news, in books, in films. Let’s see how many people we can get to join us!

And to make it more interesting for those competitive friends out there, RAK No 30 is one that you come up with yourself, the most outlandish wins a prize! The prize will be revealed in my next post!

30 day Random Acts of Kindness Challenge

1. Write and send someone a handwritten letter.
2. Buy a lottery ticket and give it to a complete stranger or perhaps leave it on someone’s windscreen.
3. Leave some change in a parking meter or pay for someone’s toll crossing – I have done this and it is a fantastic feeling!
4. Leave change in a vending machine or buy the chocolate and leave it in the machine for the next person to find.
5. Buy a coffee for a homeless person or elderly person and have a normal conversation with them.
6. Bring in your neighbours bins.
7. Take your friends dog for a walk.
8. Give a compliment/positive feedback about your waiter or waitress to their manager.
9. Send someone a small gift anonymously.
10. Let someone jump the queue at the post office/bank/supermarket or bar.
11. Pay for the drink for the person at the next table at a bar or cafe.
12. Treat a friend without a specific reason to do so, even if it is just making them sandwiches and sharing them at lunchtime.
13. Give an extra large tip to someone when they least expect it.
14. Hold the train or lift door open for someone rushing to get in.
15. Make a home-made card and sent it to a friend.
16. Offer to babysit for some friends or new parents and start not just when their evening starts but a few hours before so they can really appreciate their time together.
17. Pick up some rubbish you see in the road.
18. Give a heartfelt compliment to a work colleague for a job well done.
19. Recommend a competitor to a potential client.
20. Smile and say good morning to a stranger.
21. Tell someone how much you love and appreciate them.
22. Leave a copy of a well loved book you have read on a train or bus for someone else to read.
23. Buy an inspirational book for a friend.
24. Send a thank you note to someone who has made a difference to your life.
25. Buy a book from a random Amazon Gift List.
26. Donate to a random charity page on Justgiving and wish the person good luck.
27. Bake someone a cake or some biscuits.
28. Contact a friend you haven’t seen for a while and remind them of a happy memory from your shared past.
29. Call a grandparent or elderly relative for a chat.
30. ????

There you go. So what do you think? Are you still up for it? Go on, see where it will lead, what opportunities may arise..

Next steps:-

  • Print your own copy of the list here:-The_30_Day_Random_Acts_of_Kindness_Challenge.
  • Keep it with you and tick each challenge off as you achieve them.
  • You can start on any date and the challenges do not have to be done in order
  • I know times are tough so if you are unable to do some of the challenges which cost some money, why not get creative and think up an alternative RAK
  • Tell your friends about RAK – wouldn’t it be great if we got hundreds or even thousands of people doing it!
  • Have lots of fun and remember to update us with lots of pictures and stories of your journey!

Join Our Facebook Group

Follow Our RAK updates on Twitter
www.twitter.com/purehypno
Tweet updates about your challenge using the #RAK hashtag

Challenge No 1 - Lindsey's Thank You Card
Challenge No 1, one handwritten thank you card. Tick!

Definition from Wikipedia
A random act of kindness is a selfless act performed by a person or people wishing to either assist or cheer up an individual person or people.

A big thank you to Hypnotension (TM) for the inspiration for this blog post and for many of the ideas on the list. Random Acts of Kindness is one of the exercises we use with clients who have primary or essential hypertension. For more information about the Pure Confidence Hypnotension Programme please go to http://www.pureconfidence.co.uk/Hypnotension_hypnosis_for_Hypertension.html

 

Random Acts of Kindness

How music can lift your spirits

January 17, 2012 Jo Ellis 4 comments

As well as being a coach, I also teach dance. It is a fantastic way to build confidence, forget about your worries, even if just for an hour or so, and to get those wonderful endorphins or natural happy chemicals rushing around your body.

My ‘job’ is made easier because I love music, I mean, I really love it.  For me, it is a wonderful and easy way for me to change my ‘state’.  By that I mean how I physically and mentally feel at one time.  I can go from feeling sad or lonely to dancing around my front room  like a headless chicken simply by putting on a favourite dance track.

I can go from feeling stressed, if I’m doing a million and one things at the same time, to a calmed relaxed state of mind just by listening to a beautiful piece of classical music.  For me, it’s cheaper and much healthier than a bottle of wine, another state changer (of which I also partake).

One thing I am so guilty of though, is not really listening to the lyrics. When I dance to or play a particular song, I can sing out loud and know every word off by heart but not even consider what the words mean.

Well of course sometimes, they don’t mean anything…

For example, in the words of Lady Gaga in her song ‘Bad Romance’:

Lady Gaga
I want your psycho
Your vertigo stick
Want you in my rear window
Baby your sick…

???!!!

But I suppose that is just the eccentricity/pure genius of Lady Gaga!

Often it is when I see a video that I start really thinking about the meaning of the lyrics and it is thank you to a Facebook friend and fellow coach Monique Blakemore for the inspiration for this blog post after she posted Katy Perry’s Firework video on her Facebook wall.

Katy Perry

Now Katy Perry isn’t for everyone.   However, I adore her.  I love her burlesque-style glamour, the creativity in her videos and simply just how much fun she is, or, at least, appears to be.  I just know she would be a great girl to go out with on a Friday night!  When I watched her Fireworks video, it struck me how poignant the lyrics are and how the video fits so perfectly to the song.  These lines in particular strike a cord.

 

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Many of the clients that I see, do not realise that they have everything they need already inside them to achieve whatever they want to achieve.  My task is just to point them in the right direction.

The video and lyrics are below, go on watch the video, read the lyrics and perhaps start thinking about your favourite piece of music, what really moves you and how can you start using music to feel inspired/relaxed/motivated or whatever state you want to achieve?

 


Katy Perry – Firework

Full Lyrics to Katy Perry’s Firework

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
like a house of cards,
one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?
6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
‘Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it’s time, you’ll know

You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make ‘em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through-ough-ough

‘Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you’re a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make ‘em go “Oh, Oh, Oh”
You’re gonna leave ‘em all in awe, awe, awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Happiness, Music , , , ,

Book Review – The Little Book of Confidence – Susan Jeffers

January 6, 2012 Jo Ellis 5 comments

One of my 2012 goals it to read at least one book a week.  I LOVE self development books but sometimes they can be long and heavy going so this book was a delight – so much so I read it in the bath in about half an hour.

Susan Jeffers is the author of the great life changing book ‘Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway’ and this is a 160 page summary of all the best and most inspiring bits. The book is small enough to fit into your pocket with one tip per page and so easy to read!

Our higher self versus our lower self

The key concept is that we can all feel confident when we pay attention to our ‘higher self’ – this is the place that is within us all where we feel joy, creativity, intuition, love and lots more ‘good’ things.  On the other side is our ‘lower self’ where self doubt, anger, fear and all ‘negative’ things live.  In NLP we would talk about parts – part of me feels this/part of me feels that – my clients will often talk about a devil and an angel sitting on their shoulders – one with motivational words, one constantly putting them down. The good news is that our lower self thinking is just habitual and habits are easily broken.

The importance of affirmations

One way to break the habit is to repeat positive affirmations, strong and positive statements that reinforce higher self thinking giving it more power and drowning out negative thinking.  Affirmations are sometimes made fun of but they do work.

One affirmation from the book that resounds with me is ‘it’s all happening perfectly’ which is a shorter way of thinking that even when things do not go the way we want them to go, we can simply trust that all things happen for a reason and that we will learn and grow from it all.  This thinking has always helped me with times have been tough.  Being able to let go and just trust in the Grand Scheme of life can save so much heartache.

Reading the book was a great start to my day, it was also helped by being a beautiful spring like January day in Worthing!

A beautiful January 'Spring' Day in Worthing

I would definitely recommend this book, my hobbies and career are centred around being the best me I can be, yet I still need to be reminded sometimes to slow down, enjoy the now and when nervous about new challenges to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway.’ After my bath and my book, I certainly felt rejuvenated and also chuffed to bits that I have completed my New Years goal for the week!  The book is currently available from Amazon for just £2.38!

 

 

Book Reviews, Confidence ,

Start the New Year with a brand New You

January 4, 2012 Jo Ellis One comment

Welcome to 2012!  We hope you had an amazing Christmas and New Year.  I managed to, very successfully, do the ‘gain a dress size’ diet and I enjoyed every second of the gluttony!  The great things is that at the end of the Christmas Period, I have a craving for fruit and veg, long may it last!

At a time for New Year’s Resolutions, we become very busy at Pure Confidence with many people wanting extra help to get to their ideal body weight, to change a habit such as smoking or the amount they drink or to help with their goals for the year.

So do you make resolutions every year and if you do, how long to you stick by them?

We have compiled our list of top tips to successfully stick to those resolutions and to make sure you have fun whilst doing it!

This years goals

1) Be very specific

It is no good to say ‘I want to lose weight’, set yourself a goal of how much, by when you want to lose it and make sure it is an achievable goal such as 1 or 2lbs a week.

2) Write down your goal or resolution

Setting it down on paper is like making a contract with yourself.  If you are artistic (or even if you aren’t) why not draw the resolution in a way which is meaningful to you and put it on the fridge or next to your bed so you will be reminded on a daily basis.

3) Have a strong ‘Why’

Why do you want to drink less, why do you want to eat less, why do you want to exercise more.  What benefits will you gain? Again this will make the resolution more meaningful for you and less of an empty promise.

4) Get the help of your friends and family

Tell them what you are doing, why you are doing it and ask them to gently nudge you if you look like you are going off track, no nagging allowed (unless you respond well to nagging of course!)

5) Prepare for unsupportive friends

We all have them, ‘go on have another drink’, ‘come outside and keep me company whilst I have a cigarette’! Don’t worry they do care about you, they just have a funny way of showing it!  If you prepare a strong, assertive reply to any ‘gentle bullying’ they may do and practice it several times in your head, you will be better prepared to stick to your guns.

6) Reward yourself at regular intervals

Many of my friends/clients will use January as a detox month.  January is a long month, often with post Christmas blues, lack of money, bad weather (oops sorry didn’t mean to depress you!) so it’s all the more important to treat yourself on a weekly basis if you stick to your resolutions and the month will pass more quickly.  Treating doesn’t have to be expensive or unhealthy! How about an extra long bath or watching your all time favourite movie or a coffee with your best friend.

7) Visualise yourself achieving your goal

Imagine what it will feel like and make the image bright and golden and as attractive as possible.  We get more of what we focus on and too often people will focus on what they don’t want which draws them nearer to what they don’t want rather than what they do!

8) Plan, plan, plan…

Think about all the times when it may be difficult to keep your resolution and think of how you can make it easier ahead of the time to get you properly prepared. For example, if you are stopping drinking for the month and you know there is a big party coming up, why not offer to drive or book an early morning activity for the following day to help you stick to your goal!

9) Keep a record of your progress 

Use a diary or a spreadsheet, you will get the feel good factor and sense of achievement if you see how far you have come.  Why not create your own blog to record your trials and tribulations!

10) Get back on the horse!

If you do come off the wagon, or over indulge or miss a day at the gym, its not the end of the world!  Don’t beat yourself just accept that you are human and as long as you get back on the horse you can easily pick up where you left off.

Goal Setting , ,